Hi Assalamualaikum. This is just an update on my current life:
A lot of good things went through this few months, Alhamdulillah all praises to Him for those momentary grace and gift. I'm on my way to end as a 1st year degree student yeay hee hoping that every will go smoothly as He wills.
Something has been lingering on my mind recently. I've been acted so annoying towards Hazri and I can feel that he's getting tired of my stupid questions but I cant help it :( oh ya! I know what are these called, brain fart. For real, never knew such thing existed haha but for god sake this brain fart of mine can leads to overthinking and sadness sometimes. I hate when I start to think things I have no control over. I know I cant handle my own future but I want the best out of it. What am I supposed to do :( because of this shit, I always pick a fight with Hazri because I couldnt get what I want. Kesian Hazri..he have to layan my bullshit-ness. There this few questions coming out of nowhere tonight "haih thinking of if I'm not meant to end my marriage life with you already make me sad" "you think...if anything happen kan is it worth to fight over?" I hate myself even more now. He also dont know how to answer that.
Terlalu banyak yang berada dalam fikiran sekarang ni but I dont know how to say. I started to learn a few things about him, he kinda guy yang very realistic while I'm so pessimistic. Dia selalu berfikiran jauh walaupun kadang-kadang I need a simple answer je. Disebabkan dia berfikir terlalu panjang, he couldnt say anything sbb he knows he doesnt have the capability to do so. gosh that makes me so frustrating but ya that's him. Along the journey of knowing him, I thought I'm ready, mature enough if this and that happen but NOPE I discovered things I cant even bear to accept it. Too many flaws and I'm not ready to show him. Siapa cakap bercinta ni bunga-bunga sahaja? No one ever warned me that being in relationship could be this hard :( "betul orang cakap, takda duit takyah bercinta" "kalau tak ready bagi komitmen jangan bercinta" THESE ARE LEGIT TRUE. On my mind there's only one goal, marriage. I date to marry. So, technically lambat lagi saya nak kahwin. I used to have thoughts like "then what's the point bercinta lama2 kalau taktau dia tu jodoh kita ke tak?" "kenapa aku terjebak dalam percintaan ni" for my friends who are still single, think twice and wise.