Hi blog, its been a while since my last post. It was 3 years ago, wow lama gila. I reaaaaaaallllyy miss to rant everything here. Thank God i still remember my email and password. So yeah its 2016 now and i'm legit 18 whaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt (trust me theres nothing much difference despite my weight is literally increase). Basically now i'm at somewhere i dont really belong to. Meet new people, adapt to new place is somehow fun but mentally tired. You have to start everything all over again and i hate it. Semester 1 is almost near to its end and i start to hate everything here, literally. I dont know whether its just my feeling or not but i turned into a whole new person since i came here. I start to talk less, full of hatred and mengamalkan sikap 'lantak kau pergi mampus' which is soooo opposite of me.
4 days left until my finals. I'm lost. I start to isolate myself from my classmates, i don't study with my friends anymore because i feel stupid to understand everything with them around. I'm a slow-learner that i tend to feel down whenever people can catch up really fast. I found a new me in me. I exactly don't know that i am this kind of person; i am actually not an extrovert. I never know that going into new places, meeting with new people can change me into a person whom i never know that i am actually that kind of person. Am i turning into someone else or its just me who don't fully recognize my own self yet?
I vividly remember how hate i am to be at home, i can't go out with my friends often, i can't go out at night and more. There is so much "can not" when i'm at home. Thats why i wish when i'm out to further my study later, i want it to be as far as it can so i can do what i want without my parents guardian. BUT NOW, in my head there are only 2 things; parents and home. I cried today thinking of how i miss home so much, How i miss to wake up early and see my mom is cooking in the kitchen, preparing for us breakfast every weekend. How i miss to have a "mouth fight" with my father and those days when i get angry because my father is a bully :') Everything i want now is home. Please, even it is just a day, i will, i will do anything to be there. There is so much happened here and i am mentally tired. I want my mom right now...
I vividly remember how hate i am to be at home, i can't go out with my friends often, i can't go out at night and more. There is so much "can not" when i'm at home. Thats why i wish when i'm out to further my study later, i want it to be as far as it can so i can do what i want without my parents guardian. BUT NOW, in my head there are only 2 things; parents and home. I cried today thinking of how i miss home so much, How i miss to wake up early and see my mom is cooking in the kitchen, preparing for us breakfast every weekend. How i miss to have a "mouth fight" with my father and those days when i get angry because my father is a bully :') Everything i want now is home. Please, even it is just a day, i will, i will do anything to be there. There is so much happened here and i am mentally tired. I want my mom right now...
I lost my confidence. Whenever people ask me anything I can't even look at the question before answering it because I feel I'm not the right person to be asked. Go and look for someone else. I can not do it :( I feel small since I'm here as this is where geniuses are. They are smart and simply amazing. I just can't talk about it here I feel I wanna die so I don't burden my parents anymore. Enough is enough. I feel uslees. As I am useless.